"If you believe in yourself and if you have faith in yourself and for others, God will reward you with your dreams, desires and wishes to come true." - Imran Hassan.
I would like to share for the first time online my story, and the struggles I have gone through on my journey so far.
I hope to inspire everyone with my story and especially people with Special Needs.
I am currently studying English and Maths at New City College in Poplar, London. I dream of becoming a Teaching Assistant and enjoy writing stories as a hobby.
Hi, if any of you get this message it’s urgent, I am sending you my story experience of lockdown and how tough it has been for me.
I am sending you a very important message it’s a story about how I feel about lockdown and all the plans I had last year and all the struggles I went through.
With another lockdown taking place at this time, it’s time for me to express what I have been through with lockdown and the worst year I had in 2020.
I want my message to be clear and be heard.
Please read them. It’s important as I am not just speaking for myself, but for everyone who are suffering from depression, loneliness, and mental health and this is to inspire hope for them to give them the strength to defeat solitude.
Please do read it as I am speaking for everyone and it affects a lot of people’s mental health including mine.
I’ve endured pain and loss, I have felt broken, I have known hardships and I have felt lost and alone.
But here I stand trying to move forward, one day at a time – I will remember the lessons in my life because they are making me who I am, stronger and a warrior.
My name is Imran Hassan, I’m 24 years old and this is my 6th year in New City College in Poplar. I’m a former Child Care Student and this year I’m currently studying both Maths and English.
I have made a good impression of being part of this Campus, I enjoy learning and along with the support of my teachers and my friends having great interactions and being acknowledged by many authority figures in this college.
Since I have started my journey in Poplar College, I have made a positive impact as well as facing a lot of hardships. Some of the struggles that I had to face was making friends, earning the respect and finding love. So far, I have connected and bonded well with the friends who I got along with and they understand me all too well.
I always got worried about what other people would think about me because some may be quick to judge me because I am different, some people avoided me and didn’t want to talk to me.
What I’m about to talk about is to spread awareness about something that is important to me which a lot of men and women struggle with behind closed doors.
Many people are afraid to open up their feelings, which can cause deep depression and loneliness. I’ve also been afraid to open up about my feelings which is why for the first time ever I’m going to be completely clear in this message.
So, 2020 hasn’t been too good for me, without a doubt had been the worst year for all of us that we’ve experienced, I can’t think of one amazing thing I’ve done this year.
From the beginning it was promising but it all went downhill - of course I’m talking about COVID19.
COVID has affected us a lot, people have lost their jobs, schools/colleges/universities had to shut down, exams were cancelled, social distancing with friends and families was very tough, the death of George Floyd and many more that happened. This made a huge impact on a lot of people. Many people found it difficult to cope with these drastic changes which affected a lot of people’s mental health and I’d be lying if I told you that it hadn't affected mine.
"People have been dying everyday due to the virus spreading rapidly. We've lost so many people."
"To those who've lost a family member, a friend and everyone else, my condolences to you all. May they be put in a better place and rest their soul."
I am blessed to be in the position that I am in, that I have been able to experience and learned a valuable lesson as COVID can change anyone from bad to good and good to bad.
I’ve kept quiet about this long enough and I’ve been wanting to let it out and be free to speak up.
From the beginning of 2020, it was going to be a promising year for me, but it made it so tough for me.
Everything that I had planned was all taken away from me because of the global pandemic. Sometimes I have difficult feelings, sometimes I feel like I have been betrayed.
Lockdown has changed me a lot:
- I never got the chance to complete my assignments in Childcare
- I couldn’t revise for my GCSE exams
- I never got to see all of my friends during 6 months of the 1st Lockdown.
- Some of my friends, don’t want to know me, they don’t want to talk to me, they ignore, they never had time for me, and they never cared about me.
- One friend that I cared about, she blocked me and vanished without a reason and I was left feeling hurt, betrayed, and more isolated; I lost the most important person that I thought was my friend and who believed in me, but I am a fool and I still am a fool.
Coming back to college I am hoping to finish something that I didn’t finish before and to redeem myself.
I had a lot of plans that I was going to do in 2020, but all of that is just thrown out the window thanks to the situation that we are in.
It’s been like 6 months since the pandemic happened, I’ve missed so much being away from college, the last time I was in college it was on the 18th of March.
I was lost for words when I heard that there was going to be a lockdown and being told to stay at home. I was so bored throughout lockdown, the news continued on with bad news. I just got tired of watching it as it wasn’t helping.
Quarantine felt like the longest holiday break I’ve had – I’ve hoped that this pandemic would clear up as soon as possible as I had a lot of stuff that I needed to catch up with, but I lost hope.
I missed college a lot, I couldn’t revise for my exams for English and Maths, I couldn’t complete my assignments for Child Care, I missed interacting with my close friends and the people who I got along with in English, Maths and Child Care.
Originally, 2020 was going to be my last year as I was going to have a party to have a proper farewell in my final year, I missed going out on trips that I was excited to go on with one of my best friends from Child Care and many more missed opportunities.
I couldn’t complete the rest of my assignments through Online Teams into my computer as I had trouble with some technical difficulty. The way my final year in Child Care had been and how it ended, to me if I am being honest, it was unfair and disappointing, everything that I worked so hard for, every plan I had and hoped for, it almost feels like that this pandemic happened on purpose, so that a lot of things I was going to do this year had been taken away from me.
My biggest regret was that I never got to say goodbye to everyone in college the ones who’ve left.
During lockdown, I had this one friend that I stayed in touch with, she was very special to me, she was a former Child Care student in Poplar - She is a smart young woman, she was one of Child Care’s best and brightest students from level 2 and level 3, she gave me the confidence to socialise, she made me feel valued that I belonged here, she was my light that kept me going and I really liked her, now she is based at Hackney Campus studying Early Years Foundation Degree and having conversations with her from time to time through lockdown made me felt better and it kept my mind off the dark times that we’re living in.
Before lockdown took place, she came back to share her story about her course, I was very interested on what she had been up to and I was very happy to see her again, that was the last time we had seen each other.
We’ve been in touch with each other on Facebook, however, it didn’t last long as she suddenly blocked me out of nowhere, looking back all I am left with is guilt and it haunts me.
I was left completely in the dark with no explanation, it made me feel like a bad person.
I blamed myself even if it wasn’t my fault, it made me doubt who I am, I felt upset and I was hurt. I may never see her again and maybe it’s for the best as I’m being the better man and moved on.
It may seem selfish, but deep down I really do miss her, she was a pivotal part of my time during my time in Child Care – If things had turned out differently, we could have talked it out and settle it like reasonable people, it’s not about our past history it’s about being grateful to have everyone to be in touch with and appreciate each other’s company as this pandemic is a bigger problem than us.
I am not upset that she blocked me - I am upset because I feel betrayed by her, but I wish her well and hope she has a great life. I wish that I could have said goodbye to her under better circumstances. If I could go back in time and if the pandemic lockdown never happened, we wouldn’t be in this mess and we’d still be talking as of now.
I wish that we could have talked it out like mature young adults.
My piece of advice to those who have been blocked by people, they are not worth it, they have finally shown their true colours.
Blocking people are for year 7's – If you block people for no reason then you are a fake, you're childish and immature and you act like an 11-year-old.
In life, we all make mistakes, we’re not perfect, it’s human nature. If I feel bad about it then this is my chance to prove it, to correct my mistakes, redeem myself and get myself back on track.
To those who are saying “I wish I was good enough, I feel like the worst person that feels unwanted” let me tell you all something, you are good enough, you are a good person, and you are wanted.
I’m the one that wished I was good enough and I feel like the worst person that feels unwanted, I wish I was a good man, I’ve gone through a lot and I could never catch a break.
Despite what has happened to me throughout this year, I feel betrayed, more isolated, lonely, being ignored and I feel like I’m more alone than ever, yet here I am surviving against solitude.
When I came to this college making friends was tough for me, but I am grateful to be with friends who stayed true to me, whether some people like me or not, I have great sense of humour, I have good heart, I like being fun, interactive, and sometimes I like to make everyone laugh, but I know that I am not important and not many people had time for me.
Be around friends who wants to make time for you, to hang out with you, cherish the friends who’ll accept you for who you are.
You don’t want to spend time with people who’ll use you, backbite about you, calling you boring or never making the time to be with you. If you feel like that, you’re not doing the right thing, it’s never too late to avoid these problems – Keep your true friends close, be with someone who loves and respects you no matter what.
Before I came back to college in September. I have been in a tough position against a certain staff with unprofessional conduct that made me felt uncomfortable, being put down, feeling belittled and had zero confidence and low self-esteem.
There were 3 incidents that has happened, the first one was when during Spring lockdown Annual Review on a phone call, she asked me an inappropriate question about my body physique, the second one was when during enrolment she yelled at me, points a finger straight at me and accused me of lying, and the third one was when she disrespectfully interrupted my conversation with someone else being rude to me and trying to put me down.
I couldn’t stick up for myself, but it’s a good thing I have the Principal on my side as after making the report of me being bullied by a certain staff, I felt much better and saved all the students to avoid them being mistreated like me, I sort of became a hero of Poplar College.
The kindness you put out into the world just like I did it always has a way of coming back to you.
A lot of people will show up during your success, with their hand out acting like you owe them something, but if someone doesn’t believe in you during your worst, then don’t let them celebrate with you during your best.
Always prioritize the person that was there for you when you had nothing, that person that helped you save your money rather than spend your money, that person that helps you focus on work rather than get side-tracked by distractions and that person that believed in your potential even when no one could see it.
So, remember unless their filling with you during your low, keep it moving when they show up during your high.
If someone isn’t there for you during your struggle, then they shouldn’t be part of your success – Success is the best revenge.
The benefit of all of this is that I became stronger and became a better person than ever before.
My goal for this year is to complete my English – Pass my GCSE’s, perhaps do the level 3 Teaching Assistant adult course from Child Care in a way to complete assignments that I couldn’t finish thanks to COVID.
Work in a nursery/primary school as a TA, support children along working with colleagues as a team, have a mentor to guide me and become a leader. I want to be successful; I want to be rich by earning and saving money, buy a nice car, buy my own house, and live the best life and so on.
I hope this message helps you all continue to believe in yourself. Believe in yourself, believe in your dreams and don’t let anyone hold you back, you set your own destiny.
Thank you to those who appreciated my outstanding speech and has given me the love, respect, and the support as we all need to appreciate each other’s company at this time.
May we all stay safe, stay at home, and stay strong and pray that we get back to our usual lives.
Please share and spread my story to everyone you know from your friends and families in all social media platforms such as Facebook/Messenger, Instagram just to name a few.
Please let my story be heard to give people hope, inspiration and to be strong.
“We are all in this together and we will get through with this together.”
After you’ve read my story, let me know how you all felt about it by reply, much appreciated.
You can reach me at my email: imranhussaine2@gmail.com
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